"I don't mean to be mean or rude, but do you think it might be time to move on? I know you loved/love Pete. But maybe enough is enough. Maybe there is someone out there who needs you. Your comments have gotten very one-track, and self centered. No offense".

This was a comment made to me on my Facebook page.  Grief is like a fingerprint and it's uniquely different for every person who goes through it.  There is no time limit on it nor is there any rules on how you will act on any given day.  Grief robs your body of energy and can even bring on pain.  You absolutely cannot wake one morning and say...Okay I thinks it's been long enough I'll just no longer feel bad about losing the love of my life. 

I tell you this so that if any of you that read my blog ever know anyone else that becomes a widow NEVER, EVER, EVER say those words to them or you know how they feel.  Even in our widow group we've each went through this devastation but it's been different for each of us.  Everyone grieves on different levels for different periods of times. 

So, if you know a person who has become a widow...I will tell you what works.  Once everything has died down...the widow is left alone...and believe me they have a lot of trouble asking for any kind of help.  I suggest the following.  You call them up and tell them you would like to do some grocery shopping for them and don't take no as an answer.  Tell them you are you going to come over and take care of their lawn for them.  Bring them some quick grocery meals or even some fast food.  Do these types of things for the whole first year of the widows new life.  It's like once the funeral is over the widow is no longer thought of.  And if you are what seems to be a strong person who is unable to ask for help like me then it's even worse because people assume that person is fine...no problem.  They are moving along just fine.  What they don't see beyond my chocolate thin candy coating is that I'm as hallow as an candy Easter bunny that could just shatter at anyones first clutch.  And remember hugs with no words are the best...just hug them and let them cry it out sometimes. 

If that doesn't work and they are in the Nashville, Franklin, or Murfreesboro area you need to send them to the grief group I started at: www.meetup.com/butterflywidows.  We will know what to do to help them get through this process.

God Bless and I Love you Peter. 

Your Mare 4:10 p.m.

I know you would be very proud.  I've been struggling with grief and tried to find a group to be with that has been through the same thing I have but there was nothing out there for me.  So, well you know me...I started a grief group for women.  We are 9 strong now and I'm handing out our flyers and business cards (yes that I designed and made) to churches and grief counselors.  It's been great.  I have other wonderful ladies who share in the same type of devastation that I have and understand me.  We have now established a once a week meetup on Saturday mornings at a local coffee shop.  But we also get together once a month to do a dinner.  

I'll be hosting a Giving Thanks dinner next Friday at our house. We'll eat, drink and give thanks for the men that we were blessed enough to be given by Papa.  We miss you all so much and when we need to cry we cry, when we need to scream we scream, when we need hugs we get hugs.  It's so wonderful to have this kind of genuine comfort.  People, ex-co-workers, even family members who are not familiar with grief don't understand what it does to the body or the mind.  Lapses in everyday memory, pain from the grief itself.  You know me I don't like to or just can't share real feelings with others.  So I put on the face of bravery, well that is seen by outsiders of grief as "well she must be okay...she's joking and looks fine".  I'm not...and I know one day it will hurt less and less but I also know that this is a pain that will stay with me for the rest of my life.  It's not like the Arthritis that at anytime Papa can heal me from...this is a pain that will only lessen in it's intensity.  

For me it's easier to hear your music and watch your videos and talk to you around the house and on here, some of the other widows said it would probably be to hard for them.  But as you know it's how we started our relationship...over the phones and me falling asleep to your music.  We had two whole years of just friends on a phone and nine of us talking on the phones everyday on our way to work, at work, at lunch, on our way home from work. I miss your gig stories that you used to tell me at night when I couldn't fall asleep from the Arthritic pain.  I'm so glad you would tell me those and childhood stories because I lay in bed now and think of them and giggle just like we used to.  It's my way of coping with the greatest loss I have ever known.

I'm going through the difficulty of sleeping again...and I'm still not dreaming of you.  I miss you so much my love...so, so much.

All my love...Your Babita!

11:39 p.m.