"It's through HIS grace and bought with a Kiss" - Peter Bailey - Mare's New Blog

Well what can I say here...

Mon, 05 Sep 2011 06:59:12 -0700

Still missing you and feeling like an outsider when it comes to friends. A lot of people tell me I should move on. Not sure what that means as far as my life goes. I understand clean out the closets, sell the instruments, sleep on your side of the bed. All things I've done and have been doing since you were promoted home. However no one can tell me how to stop thinking of you. How to stop feeling the emptiness your absence has brought into my life. How to not feel like I was so specially blessed by God that I was your wife. That I found a partner who for the first time in my whole life...made me feel like someone. Not even my mother or family ever did that. Not that they weren't supportive but you always made me feel oh so special in every way. As a person, a woman, a friend, a music collaborator, a lover, a wife, but most of all you thought of my spiritual being. You know being married before like I was and you were it was the one and most IMPORTANT thing we shared together...God. We prayed together daily, every single day and night. We dedicated this marriage to God and He gave us back so much within it because He knew He was at the center of it. Were we perfect....NO, were you perfect....NO, was I perfect...NO, but our love for God first and our sharing this was...IS. A friend recently said to me when I broke down to her to tell her that everyone keeps telling me to move on. She said "Mare your love and marriage was truly founded and based on a respect for each other and a common love for God and you both knew that everyday and made sure He was the center of that. So unlike the other marriages you were both in, this time you were both mature and came into it knowing that God had to be at the center for it to work". She was right...and I refuse to let ANYONE make me feel like I should move on because they are uncomfortable with where I'm at. I made that mistake when he was in the hospital and everyone was saying he's gone come on just leave him there. Yes it was true his spirit was gone but I should have stayed for me instead of being bullied to conform. You know why...beacause I regret leaving that night and I will for the rest of my life. I know there was nothing for me to do for him...but this would have been for me, that last little time, just for me. I could do like some widows and help with the pain but taking a daily drug so I just don't have to have these feelings that keep coming up but I've always wanted to go through it rather than to mask it with drugs. Not that drugs aren't good for some, I just know I take enough stuff into my body as it is due to the arthritis and I would rather not. Don't get me wrong I take Xanax when I can't sleep occassionally but that's about it.

Okay the rollercoaster has now come to a stop again and the bar has lifted so I can exit to the cart to right. Hope the emotions don't jump back in line again for another ride.

Thank you honey...

Sun, 07 Nov 2010 21:15:00 -0800

Oh and I forgot to say that he wrote one of the best lines in a song I've ever heard. It is the tag line for his website..."it's through His grace and bought with a kiss". The realization of that statement of what Jesus did always hits me smack dab in my face. It spoke to me the first time I ever heard it in November 1999 and always does each time I listen to it now. It's from the song "Walk in Your Fire" from the "Dancing With God" cd. Miss you honey and thank you for the music, the smiles, the laughter and the love.

To live with an instrument hoarder....

Sun, 07 Nov 2010 09:38:11 -0800

Just kidding...but those of you out there who ever played with Peter and know him well as in his CO brothers know the extent of instruments, recording equiment and software that he had amassed over a 40 year career. You also know how well he kept "his girls" as I would call the plethora of bass, electric and acoustics guitars that he owned. It's been months and months of going through these items and figuring out what is what. Especially tedious when you yourself are not a musician. Luckily Peter has wonderful friends and I've been blessed with their help to know what is what and time frames they were purchased or how to find out. Oh, but there is still so much. I love my husband but that man could collect and never EVER let things go. The great thing about that is that I've been able to find almost every warranty card and manual even receipts. Now logging them onto Ebay has been somewhat of a little nightmare at times but oh well...I always pray over the item and know it will go to a good home. Someone to take good care of it...not make it their idol but know they have an item that has been taken care of. Best of all, are all the little treasures I've found that will go to some of his musical brothers in crime. Blessings on the way to some of you out there.

God Bless to all and have a wonderful day!!!

Mare

FENDERÂ® JAZZ BASSÂ® (1965) De-Fretted

Sun, 24 Oct 2010 14:23:43 -0700

FENDER® JAZZ BASS® (1965) De-Fretted

Here is 60's Jazz with a killer sound, sunburst finish, rosewood fretboard has been lacquered, dot inlays, it was made fretless in the mid 70's, neck dated 7 OCT 65A, bridge and pickup covers are intact, the playability and sound is absolutely remarkable. I have more picture of the back and the pots. I believe the pots are dated from 1966 week 17. It has additional routing in the control pocket. The tuners on it are not original but I have the originals which will be sold with it. Also includes a non original Fender case.

Check it out by clicking on the link below if you are interested in purchasing it.

http://cgi.ebay.com/1965-Fretless-Fender-Jazz-Bass-/260682761778?pt=Guitar&hash=item3cb1e74632

I thought of you with love today...

Sun, 24 Oct 2010 13:33:09 -0700

I thought of you with love today but that is nothing new,
I thought about you yesterday and days before that too.
I think of you in silence I often speak your name,
All I have are memories and your picture in a frame.
Your memory is my keepsake with which I’ll never part,
God has you in His keeping I have you in my heart.

Happy Birthday Baby!!!

Tue, 05 Oct 2010 23:15:23 -0700

"You And I"

Here we are
On earth together
It's you and I
God has made us fall in love
It's true
I've really found
Someone like you
Will it stay
The love you feel for me
Will you say
That you will be by my side
To see me through
Until my life is through
Well in my mind
We can conquer the world
In love you and I
You and I, you and I...
I'm glad
At least in my life
I've found someone
That may not be here forever
To see me through
But I found strength in you
Cause in my mind
You will stay here always
In love you and I
You and I, you and I
You and I, you and I
You and I

In my mind
We can conquer the world
In love you and I
You and I, you and I
You and I...

Saying goodbye to a friend...yet again.

Mon, 20 Sep 2010 14:57:50 -0700

I received a call from a friend of mine that a lovely lady named Amy Campbell had gone on to be with Papa. Oh the words I hate to hear for us but I know she is in glory. This is the first death since you left Peter that I have had to face and for some reason it seems so much more difficult than dealing with yours. As time moves on and I try to move on I am still not finding comfort or peace as I thought I would 626 days later.

You still permeate my daily living and I cannot shake you from me. Aways somewhere there is a dusting of you daily. I went 2 weeks without your music...2 weeks. Then on the day I decided to move your things from your closet I get the call that Amy has gone to join Papa's army also. All of it came rushing back in on me. All the pain and sorrow of being alone, truly alone. I know I have Papa but I have strayed from His loving arms and it is now costing me for thinking I could do this on my own. Under my own strength. What the heck was I thinking honey.

Amy was a beautiful soul with a troubled body that could take no more and Papa decided it was time. She had done her tast and He was proud of her. She sang with my husband while he was doing the music ministry for Victory Christian Church and sang the songs he wrote at his funeral sending him home. What a beautiful voice. What a wonderful mother and wife. Today they will play those songs again this time for Amy. God Bless to her family, Shawn, Ava and Anya.

I truly miss you my loving husband, partner and the only one I've ever been able to count on other than Papa. Tell Amy hello. I will straighten my mess out.

Your devoted loving wife....Mare

Is it a sign???

Tue, 31 Aug 2010 21:47:53 -0700

The diamond in my wedding ring fell out yesterday.

Is it a sign??? Is the universe trying to tell me something. Well I have a message for the universe...SHUT UP!!! I'm not listening...I'm not listening...I'm not listening.

Sold the 62 Stratocaster baby....

Tue, 17 Aug 2010 19:17:09 -0700

Well...the question I've been asked all day and asked myself is how do I feel about this? It was the last instrument he held in his wonderfully talented hands and played. I wish I could say I came home that Friday and I heard this wonderful melodic Chrisitian song blaring from his Line 6 amp, but no...it was Iron Man. Funny. The pick is still wedged where he put it that night January 2nd, 2009. I've not had the heart to remove it.

I tell the ladies in our "Life after Death" widows group we can't bog ourselves down with earthly things...these things our not our husbands. I still believe that, but as you must realize I'm not a heavenly body like my husband so my fleshy heart and mind take over and the grieving process starts again with each instrument that is sold. But this too shall pass. I know my Peter and he would say...."babydoll...I'm always with you and my spirit will never die, only my body is gone". As usual he's right and gets the last word.

Remember...hug, kiss and love on someone today...it does a heart good for both.

Pain...pain...then more pain...

Thu, 12 Aug 2010 04:23:32 -0700

Good morning my love...

I awoke to the sound of crying and sobbing like I've never heard before. Then I realized it was me. Mourning my love. Nights are hard....but when the morning light comes again I know I must live through another day without you here with me. The pain...oh the pain...of your absence is so unbelievably deep that I cannot fnd the words.

I miss you so much my love and there are so many things going on right now that I need your strength to help me through it. But I've learned since I don't have it to reach out to Papa God although sometimes I fail there too. I forget and try to get through this without his guiding hands and then I stumble and fall and there he is to pick me up. Trailing behind me just waiting for me to cry out Papa...Papa I can't do this on my own.

His Grace is sufficient!!!

2 Corinthians 12:9 = But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

Your loving wife....6:22